Chapter 1 - Settling In
Chapter 2 - A Royal Visit
So, Westeros is a dangerous place, only the smartest and the bravest survive in the Game of Thrones, but is it really that dangerous?
We are going to find out. There are a lot of AARs around featuring god like characters doing god like things like conquering the world, its nice but i got bored from all that
greatness and stuff, so, we are going to see how long a semi-retarded player controling a lame character can survive in the dreaded Game of Thrones,
I present to you the great Mark Stonecrab!
Creating a new character can be pretty boring but luckly there is a random button right there, what could go wrong? Apparently his face could...
Ok... Next! Lets create our banner... Since his name is Stonecrab (also random) im guessing there should be something similar to a crab painted on my shield, otherwise some
people might get really confused in tournaments.
After some 200 clicks i finally find a crab, or at least what I hope its a crab.
Now lets move on to traits. I dont want to play an all powerful lord but I also dont wanna be a Hodor so i have no idea what traits I should pick. As Mark Stonecrabb used to
say: "When in doubt just give up and go do something fun", Ill just give him a chance of being a complete idiot or a good guy, leaving him with no traits at all.
Im getting kinda bored so lets speed things up a little, I just have to choose where Mark is going to live, Westeros is huge and the possibilities are infinite, after some time clicking around I decide to settle with something familiar. Standfast! Some will know that Standfast is barely more than a tower with a couple of villages around,
but they forget that it is so much more, it also has chickens!
Welcome to my humble aboad. With extra humble and chickens. I spend my first day as a lord kicking some Osgreys out of my castle and feeding them to the chickens, this is my
Now that the Osgrey dynasty is extinct I can finaly begin to enjoy life as a Stonecrabb. I wonder how much time sweet Mark will survive in Westeros. So far so good.
Time to start doing lordly stuff, get a wife, appoint my counsil, have dinner and such.
I was checking on Craigslist for suitable spouses and it has some pretty famous names in it including Daenerys Stormborn, The Unburnt, Rightful Queen of the Andals the Rhoynar
and the First Men etc. It would be a pretty sweet choice were not for the fact that she is a newborn baby. I started at the Crowned Stag, so she must be just a few days old and
I dont feel like waiting 20 years to start having children. Sorry Dany.
Eventualy I settle with a Hightower girl, apparently the Hightowers think that having their Leyla marry me is a good idea, Im not sure why.
I actually have a pretty decent counsil.
Time to get this marriage going, her father gives me some 50 gold to help with the costs and I immeadtly spend it on mercenaries. Now that Ive got the whole marriage thing covered,
its time to start plotting against my liege and taking over the Northmarch. It might take a while since my better stat is a 11 martial...
And it looks that 11 is enought to get my lieges atention, he soon offers me a command.
Great... Now even my 14yo wife is a better fighter than I am...
Not anymore, now I am just as good as that little girl. Yay!
Soon after that I get my first important decision, looks like some noble guy did something wrong and I have to decide his fate. I can either release him and get a favour or I
can imprison him and get some prestige. I usually pick the prestige but im needing some new courtiers in my chicken tower.
Now i have another useless mouth to feed, a mouth called Rickard Farrow. I just hope I dont run out of chickens.
Damn, Renly is already a pain in stannis's arse, and hes not even 7 yet. Looks like my game is gonna keep close to canon.
Wow, my wife is already pregnant, im pretty good at this.
And here he is, my first son.
Sitting around with my chickens is getting pretty boring, nothing interesting is happening... I guess Ill just be educating my son while I wait for chaos to arrive.
Speaking of the devil... Tyrion was the first to perish in the Game of Thrones. He was murdered at the age of 11. Guess Tysha will have to find some other dwarf to marry.
Now we are talking! Doran just decided to kick some Lannister ass! Lets watch a different version of the Viper vs the Mountain. With a little less bashed brains this time...
News just in from far far away, a new Lord Commander has been elected at the Wall. Im not sure if they picked the right person for the job but who am I to talk?
Hey, looks like we are going to get our first set of executions... My wife decided to get pregnant with some idiots baby! Im the only idiot allowed to get her pregnant!
After a quick check I confirm that my first son is indeed mine so he will be allowed to live on. As for my wife...
The guy fled to Dragonstone, my wife was not so lucky...
After a quick trial my wife is proven guilty. The main evidence was the fact that her belly just kept getting bigger
and it surely wasnt just farts. I cant actually execute her without angering both my son and the Hightowers so I decide that she could just live the rest of her life as a
silent sister. Sweet sweet mercy.
Time to pick a new wife, this time i choose the daughter of some baron somewhere in the Reach. Best of luck to you, Wife Number Two!
Oh I had totally forgoten about the whole Doran vs Tywin thing!
Looks like Doran isnt doing so great...
Nope, not great at all...
Maybe he could ask for a trial by combat, im sure Oberyn wouldnt mess everything up this time.
Hey! My traits are getting pretty great.
Wow, even Cersei's uterus can find a way to mess everything up. She just gave birth to an ancient being sixty thousand years old! And then he died!
Hoster Tully got Rekd.
So, after a few months lying aroud in Standfast I get two great news, first, my new wife is pregnant, second, I just got a claim to Dosk! In your face Duncan Durwell! Next stop
I hire some 500 mercenary knights and head to war, All Aboard!
I have a pretty good advantage but still... Im worried I might loose this thing... Well, looks like some Durwels forgot to assign people to lead their troops, I win by an amazing lead.
Well, let me walk you through what happened. After winnig in the field I quickly take Bulls Keep, his castle, and a few hours after I kick him out of his own keep i receive a
offer from my liege to take Duncans position as a master of arms. Looks like the future of house Stonecrabb is pretty great.
This is me as of right now.
Cersei's new baby is not a old man this time but its also not an alive baby...
Daughter is born.
Im now brave for some reason. Looks like stealing castles builds character.
Doran is still imprisoned by Tywin... The Red Viper doesnt seem to give a shit.
After a few days traveling between my two castles I receive some worrying news:
My septon has been murdered by an angry mob while doing charity work in Standfast.
That is amazing! I didnt even know that i owned an entire mob! Unless...
Day 17: Im still too scared to set foot outside my tower. The chickens are still pretending to be dumb and nice. And dumb. They are not fooling me like how they did with whats his face. (septon)
Will Mark ever be free again? Is Oberyn ever gonna realise that Doran has been gone for quite some time now? What about my family? I totally forgot about them.
Get the awnsers and more on my next entry. This is Mark Stonecrabb signing off.